Ahem. This on goes out to the girl (as in child, as in not yet mature enough to understand the delicate and impressionable mind of my beautiful daughter, as in need to grow the hell up right the fuck now) who thought it would be apropos to insinuate to MY CHILD that I AM COPYING EVERYTHING YOU DO.
First, allow me to start off by giving you my dear the slowest motherfucking clap I can. Congratulations on being so conceited that you actually think that someone like me would give a shit about someone like you. And not just that- you somehow think I aspire to be just like you!! (Sorry, I was sick the day they taught stupid whore in school! My bad!)
Second, let me explain this to you. Your mistake, in case you don’t know, was saying something so horribly rude in the presence of my kid that she felt she had to tell me the minute she saw me (which happened to be in the hallway of her school) For the record, I don’t actually give a flying fuck WHAT you think of me (I don’t actually care what anyone thinks of me….Self esteem, I have it!). But you have no right whatsoever to ever, under any circumstance put me down or insult me in anyway within ear shot of my child. Perhaps your own parents were so in awe at the stupidness they created the day the drug store was closed that they forgot to teach you that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Take a page from my book: Bite your tongue, smile, say “mmhmm, thats nice dear” and change the subject.
My number one job in this world is, and always will be to lift my children up, not beat them down. Make them feel good about themselves and lives they have. Teach them to have good self esteem and make good choices. Do you honestly think that saying what you do to her is helping her to be that way? Do think when she looks back on her life and has to remember the day that you told her that, she is going to somehow laugh? Do you think that makes her like you better? Do you think what you actually said was true? Are you that delusional? Seriously…What the fuck is wrong with you? Who ever told that you were the most speshul little snowflake in the whole wide world…lied to your ass. You my dear are just like the rest of us. You are obligated as a human being to treat each and every person on the planet with the courtesy, dignity and respect that you expect to receive back.
Therefore, you may not walk around with your nose in the air acting and thinking your shit doesn’t smell and you can behave anyway you so choose. You may NOT spend all your free time (how do you have so much of it??) Googling me, attempting to look at my Facebook page, looking at my Twitter feed, flipping through my Pinterest account (especially on a computer you let my daughter use, especially when her dad goes to use it and then finds my name all throughout the search history) all so you can know every detail of my life – which has nothing, I repeat NOTHING to do with you. You may not say anything ,to anyone ever, about my personal life or relationships, because once again, they have NOTHING to with you. You may NOT EVER EVER EVER insinuate, elude to or state to ANYONE. EVER again, that you are a better parent than I am. You are NOT a parent. You are NOT a Step-Parent. Those terms are reserved for people capable of caring and loving unconditionally without prejudice. For every action there is a reaction (mine is not good). For every error there is a consequence (and this one will, unfortunately, not affect you directly, but I assure you the indirect action will…shit rolls down hill after all.). You poked an very protective angry bear in the middle of a very nice winter nap. May the gods who thought placing you on this earth for a joke have mercy on your cold, dark, uncaring, uneducated, selfish, dishonest soul.
Me and my imaginary made up boyfriend and future that is going to blow your fake life out of this water…. )
PS: Don’t poke the bear…she bites back. My life is perfect and wonderful and full of love and kindness and sweetness and sunshine and fucking rainbows and log cabins on the water with porch swings (please baby??) and fireplaces and flowers and GODDAMN PURPLE UNICORNS!!. I don’t have time or patience to deal with this bs anymore. So kindly fuck off.